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[May. 2nd, 2008|11:07 am] |
still going strong....the laxative tea is really nasty, but it definitely helps.
HOWEVER, i still have not lost any inches off my waist. damn!
i bought new batteries for my scale, but it still isn't working. now i have to buy a new one :(
getting very frustrated with this arrgghh! |
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| day2 |
[May. 1st, 2008|11:24 am] |
i'm getting so frustrated. i haven't lost any weight yet.
i have 10 more days to go, so i hope it kicks in before day 5.
i hate this |
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| day 1 of master cleanse (AGAIN!) |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|01:06 pm] |
i feel like such a failure. i couldn't even last 2 days. i let my friends talk me into eating lunch with them. i need to be strong. and that means not having friends for a while.
but that's good because they all want me to eat and be fat.
it's only 1pm but i'm going strong. i don't feel hungry at all, and i have that picture of giselle in the mickey underwear when she's young as my desktop picture. constant motivation! she's so pretty and perfect. |
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| FUCK ME |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|01:01 pm] |
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
second day of master cleanse and i already fucked it up. my friend asked me to go to lunch, and i said i had to get work done, so we walked out together and then he kept asking me and was like "come on, it'll be really quick" and i said no and finally he was like "WHY NOT?" and was so mad. it was actually kind of weird. so i had cucumbers with hummus and some refried beans, a little soup and a chocolate chip cookie. i want to die. i feel so fucking disgusting.
i swear way too much.
anyway, i am going to finish off my juice for today and just continue until may 11th with master cleanse. just pretend it didn't happen and not get frustrated. just keep going! |
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| day one of master cleanse! |
[Apr. 28th, 2008|12:41 pm] |
so i have just made my first batch of the juice and i'm drinking it now. i don't have things to measure all the ingredients in my dorm, so i think i'm just going to approximate everything according to taste.
first of all, i put everything into a 32 oz bottle, and filled it up 3/4 of the way with water. poured a little too much syrup in. in the future i want everything to be slightly diluted that the original so it's not as many calories. the nutrition facts indicate that the syrup is about 100 calories for two tablespoons, but websites have given me a variety of calories for the same amount, ranging from 30-250 calories!
i'm also mixing lemon and lime juice for more flavor.
and the cayenne pepper is fucking hot! i have pretty much no tolerance for spicy, so i'll be using as much as i can handle from now on. also, it doesn't really dissolve into the mixture, so some sips are really mild and others are really spicy. maybe i'll have to mix everything together when it's warm....hmmm...
anyway, i feel good about this so far. it tastes pretty good, and it has made my hunger go away so far today. only 13 more days to go! woo! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2008|05:18 pm] |
so the battery on my scale is dead so i need to get a new one. good thing, though, because i think i would freak out if i found out how much i actually weighed right now.
my measurements are at an all time high, so i don't even want to think about how heavy i am now.
DAMN i'm tired of being fat.
going to have pizza with my brother tomorrow after fasting before, and then monday i start the master cleanse. it is usually for 10 days, but i'm going to do it for 14 because i have all this stuff i want to look good for.
MAKE ME THIN!!!!PLEASE!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2008|01:24 pm] |
is it bad that i want to learn how to purge?
i tried today, and successfully learned how to gag myself, but not get anything out. it feels gross on your fingers, feeling all that's down there. i know it's not safe or healthy, but what i'm doing now isn't safe or healthy either. and now when i binge, which is basically inevitable when you fast/restrict heavily, i won't have to digest it. it seems like a miracle, until i get addicted to purging.
i just want to get thin. is that too much to ask??
my brothers are home, which means i won't be getting that much work done (midterms next week) and i'll be eating a lot. tomorrow my brother wants to go get pizza with me. damn. i think i'll fast in preparation and eat one slice.
ALSO i have 2 weeks until my concerts, and i want to look good. i'm going to do the master cleanse starting monday and STICK TO IT! i need to lose this weight! i've been bingeing for too damn long. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2008|02:26 pm] |
ALRIGHT
so i want to start doing this again. and learn how to work things on lj. i remember last time i learned how to make my page "customized," which basically just meant that i made the background green. i'm so fucking lame. but i want to actually learn how to use it and start writing in here. i think it'll help me a lot.
the bf of 2.5 years is 2 years younger than me, and coming to my school next fall. this music school is tiny, so i will be seeing a lot of him, which will definitely be weird. i think i will start to feel bad for wanting to go out with other guys and "experience college." i feel like all the girls will think he's really hot and throw themselves at him, and i'll get really jealous and want him back. but, who knows! maybe it was the right thing to do to break up with him, even if the first guy i go out with FOR FOUR MONTHS ends up being a cheating bastard.
eating has been really bad for the last, sadly, 2 months. i need to get back on track. i eat at the dining halls with my friends, so i always end up eating so much. so i'm trying to work myself down slowly by only having frozen yogurt once, instead of twice a day. yea, it was really disgusting how much i was eating...
but today i had:
hummus- probably 150 cals max
carrot sticks- 30 cals
celery- 30 cals
cucumber slices- 30 cals
4 cherry tomatoes- 40 cals
soft serve frozen yogurt in a cup- 120 cals
I JUST FOUND THIS OUT! the frozen yogurt at school is really like frozen chocolate milk, so it's actually not that bad for you. the veggies came up as a lot fewer calories on fitday, but i'd rather assume i ate more than i did than the other way around. so far i'm at around 400 calories. i want to stay under 800, which may be a challenge considering i'm having dinner with my parents and brother tonight. UGH! i just want to be skinny, dammit! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2007|04:34 pm] |
ahhhh i had this rice noodle soup (japanese) with shitake mushrooms, bok choy, tofu and green onions. it comes in this HUGE bowl so i made myself stop after i hit about 1 third of the way down. but noodles are so bad! i thought i was doing so well.
i also had a grande skim latte from starbucks. i don't know how many calories that is, but it's probably a lot.
shit. i suck. |
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